Lets Go Racin' Boys

As the Summer wanes, yet another time honored tradition in Oswego County will be coming to a close for another year. I'm talking about the Farmer's Market on W. 1st St in Oswego. And with the climax of the market comes the finish line to the Thursday evening "stroller races" down Bridge St.

If you've ever been to Greene's Ale House on the corner of W. 8th and Bridge St.(the home of 20 draft beers and an excellent pub menu) on Thursday evenings in the Summer, you have undoubtedly seen the mass of baby strollers being pushed down to the Farmer's Market. I know, I know, what a shameless plug for the bar but I'm trying to make a living here people.

Every week around 5:30 in the afternoon they line up and "race" to grab their sno-cones and baked goods from the Amish people. Although I choose not to attend, from what I hear it can be kind of a rough crowd down there. There tends to be a strong police presence to deal with unruly teens, many of which are the "pilots" of said strollers.

What kills me about these races is the amount of people who are constantly smoking with all 8 of their kids flocked around their "push carts". I think it must be a prerequisite for teen moms to light up in front of their kids. It's like, why don't you just hook up a hose to an exhaust pipe and stick the other end in their baby bottles. Have some common sense you douchebags.

In fact, I've heard that some schools in Oswego County offer partial credit for home economics class if you get knocked up before senior year. They can even get extra credit if they can prove that at some point during their child's 1st 5 years, the state will have to intervene and stop them from totally wrecking their kid's future.

An example of some stellar parenting was displayed at Greene's on one such afternoon when a family made a pitstop to use the bathroom. One of the little rugrats, who was about 9 years old, was asking me about my job. Did I like what I do, things of that nature. I was thinking wow, this kid might turn out o.k. He's already taking an interest in future employment. So I ask him a simple question.

"What do you wanna do when you grow up little boy?"

His reply: "I wanna do what my Daddy does. Sit on the couch drinking beer all day, and cash the checks the government sends him. And he's real good at it too. The Police stop by at least once a week to talk to him about his job".

Trying not to laugh, I simply wished him luck and they were on their way. Something tells me that kid has a future as a chef, IN PRISON!