Strike Up The Banjo

Yet another of Oswego County's finest visited Greene's Ale House for a bite to eat yesterday. I will spare you a physical description of this monster. If you've seen the movie Deliverance, that would be a good jumping off point.

So in comes "Hoss" with his mother. They ask for a menu and take a seat at a booth. They order a haddock sandwich to split because "Mom won't eat much" he says. I place the order ticket in the kitchen and grab two Pepsi's, one with no ice, as requested. When I deliver their refreshments, approximately 1 minute since they ordered, he asks how much longer is that gonna be. For Pete's sake I don't even think the hook was taken out of the fish's mouth yet it was so raw.

"Sorry pal, it's gonna be a couple more minutes. You didn't order the sushi" I sneared.

As I roll my eyes on the way back to the bar, I turn around first so he can't see my frustration. When I get behind the bar, I turn to see he's right behind me.

"Can you put some more ice in this" he inquired.

Yup. You guessed it. It was the Pepsi that had no ice in it to begin with. Apparently it wasn't that cold after all and his teeth could take a cooler beverage. So I topped it off with a few cubes and he appeared to be satisfied, returning to his table. Next up, the restroom.

He gets up from the table after a brief visit with Mama. I can only wonder what his next inquiry is going to be. He walks around the corner and spots "the head".

"Mama! Mama! They got a bathroom over here!!"

I don't know if this was their 1st meal in a public place or they just aren't used to indoor plumbing. Then I feared that he wanted her to come and wipe his ass for him.

So they quickly eat the meal and he asks for the check. I'm thinking, what a guy, he's treating Mom to a nice lunch in the big city. Nope. He walks back to the table and hands her the bill. As she's fumbling for the money he again returns to the bar. What could he possibly want now.

"Who's selling the motor cycle and snowmobile?"

I can only wonder what my face looked like.

"I like to get them for cheap when they're outta season" was his reply to my stare.

Last I checked, isn't this the ideal time for riding a motor cycle in Upstate New York. All I could picture at that point was him riding one of those old mo-peds that you had to pedal to get started. And somewhere in the background I thought I could hear Ned Beatty squeeling like a pig in the woods (watch the movie Deliverance). My only regret is that I didn't ask how much cash his "brother" got for selling his gold teeth last Winter.