Well, it's finally here. Saturday, June 12th. Weather permitting, I will be plummeting back down to planet Earth from 10,000 feet. That's right, I'm going sky diving today!
I know you're asking, why would any sane human being jump out of a perfectly good airplane to get back down to the ground. Nobody ever said I was sane though. Actually, a little over 10 years ago, while I was under the influence of alcohol, some "friends" of mine convinced me to go sky diving. At that point in my life I'd never even flown before so why in the hell would I want to go jump out of a plane. Nonetheless I agreed. Then I woke up somewhat sober and told them they were out of their F-ing minds. If I was having a hard time with the flight, the last thing I wanted to do was jump out to get back home, so to speak.
So fast forward to three and a half weeks ago. I was working when I overheard a friend talking about having a group reservation to go sky diving, but one of the jumpers had backed out. To make a long story short I took the extra spot. Before I could blink, the day has arrived. Although I truly believe that I'm in more danger driving to and from the airport in Ovid, NY, I thought it might be a good idea to leave some evidence of what I'd like done with my most prized possessions should I not make it back. So here goes. This is my only form of a living will.
By request, I leave a fabulous collection of Hawaiian shirts to Bill 'Blind Melon' Dowdle. I would split them between Bill and my good friend Rich Murney but how can I put this delicately? Rich is a bit too portly to fit into them and I'd hate to see them torn. Wear them proud Billy Boy, especially the Duke ones.
I don't want Murney feeling left out in the cold, so to him I leave my recently installed Shazaam shag carpeting, Super Hero Blue of course. What can I say, chicks really dig it. Good luck Murn.
To my good friend Tim Wink, I leave a vast collection of Duke sports apparel. And with the recent National Championships by the Men's Basketball and Lacrosse teams, the collection has grown quite a bit. Wear and display everything with pride and be sure to taunt your wife for me every time the Blue Devils crush the Tar Heels.
My 2000 Pontiac Grand Prix goes to my good friend Kevin Fitch. You should see the soccer mom van that poor kid is driving now. Maybe now he'll be able to close the deal and actually hook up with one of the many, so called hot chicks that he has creepy pictures of on his cell phone.
To Kappy I leave my "Big Grey Hairy Pussy". I'm talking about my cat named Boo. I figure she's as good as anyone because her roommate is a vet or something. Plus, Kappy's about one cat shy of becoming the crazy cat lady on her street anyway so it just makes sense.
Lastly, I leave the rights to all of my blog material to my good friend and writing coach Mai. Without your encouragement and support, Boozer's Blog never would have gotten off the ground. Thank you so much for inspiring me to follow a dream of entertaining people.
There are so many more people to thank, as well as will the rest of my possessions, but I leave that up to my family to decide. I believe I will be able to write a sequel to this in the very near future but you just never know. So, if Mother Nature complies today, and allows me to fly through the sky at 120 mph, I will be dedicating this jump to the late Ed B. It's only been a week since you were taken away from us, but you won't be soon forgotten.
The witching hour is nearing. Gotta go friends. I've got a plane to catch.
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