Are You Hiring?

I'm sure many of you already know that I reside in Oswego, NY, right on Lake Ontario. In addition to being known for being the home of multiple nuclear energy plants, Oswego is also recognized as a college town. With the close of the month of January a new semester has recently begun. All of the co-eds have returned to the land of OZ. Classes are in full swing now and before you know it, graduation will be taking place in May. But lets not get too far ahead of ourselves.

Much like the onset of the Fall semester, January brings with it a new crop students knocking on the door of Greene's Ale House in search of a job. Starting around a week or so ago, there's been a plethora of kids seeking employment. Some of them have been coming in to fill out applications. Others take a different avenue. One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone calls to ask:

"Are you hiring?"

My response, "No, at the current time we are fully staffed. You are more than welcome to come in and fill out an application if you'd like. We'd be happy to keep it on-hand if we need help in the future."

Translation: Why don't put down the bag of sour cream and onion chips, get off your lazy ass, and inquire in person. Even if we were short staffed I wouldn't tell them over the phone. I know, I should have a more professional attitude, but show some damn initiative people.

And might I add a couple of suggestions when applying for a position at this fine establishment. Bring a pen with you, smile to show a positive attitude, and dress casual. It's not a lawyer's office so you don't need to wear a tie, but take a shower within a week of your "interview" for Christ sakes! You wouldn't believe what some people show up looking like. Torn sweat pants are for the library and sitting on the couch watching the boob tube. They don't make a good 1st impression.

Lastly, it's probably not a good idea to ask for an application and then order a drink with alcohol in it. It just sends the message that you think it's o.k. to drink on the job. Everybody who comes to Greene's on my shifts know I wouldn't be caught dead drinking on the job. I take my job too seriously to risk making a mistake with $$ as a result of being under the influence.

Upon reviewing many applications over the years I must admit I've read some pretty funny shit. You wouldn't believe some of the crap people write down. For starters, when seeking a position, be flexible with regard to your availability. I understand that class schedules can conflict with work schedules. However, don't put down that you need at least one of the weekend nights off so you can go out drinking with your friends. At least lie about it and say you have a mandatory study group on those nights. We're not gonna believe you, but at least you tried to fool us. I shit you not, I've seen such requests on no less than two applications.

Probably my favorite part to read on a job application falls under the category of previous employment. More specifically, the place where a future candidate states why they've left previous positions. On one occasion a young lady had written that she left as a result of sexual harassment, FROM HER LAST 3 JOBS!! Like she had a chance. I don't mean to make light of such accusations, it's no laughing matter. But that's just inviting a law suit.

Quite possibly the funniest thing I've ever heard of being stated on an application:

And I quote "Some pretty fucked up shit went down. I will explain in person."

Seriously, how do you respond to that one. Let's just say that young man got called for a face to face interview. If for nothing else, we just had to find out what happened to him. Much to our displeasure, by the time he was called for an interview he had already found employment elsewhere. What luck.

Possibly the funniest thing I've heard during the interview process took place on one of my days off about 2 and half years ago. I was planted at the bar enjoying a tasty craft beer when a fine looking young lady came in for a 2nd interview. The boss was already with another candidate, so at the bartender's suggestion she and her boyfriend took a seat to wait for her turn. I guess she brought him for moral support. I have to admit I was already sizing her up. I didn't like the fact that she had a boyfriend, but that didn't mean I couldn't hook up with her if she got the position. She had on a tight pair of dungarees and a cute top, which much to my delight was revealing a significant amount of cleavage. It was a tasteful look, and at the same time, not too slutty.

I overheard her as she turned to her beau and asked:

"Honey, do these jeans make my ass look fat?"

"No, your fat ass makes your ass look fat, the jeans are fine."

SLAP!!

It was priceless. Brutally honest, but none the less priceless. Shortly there after, her name was called. As it turned out she didn't get the job, but I don't think it was because of her jeans. I think she forgot to bring a pen.