Don't Judge A Book By Its Cover!

I'm sure many of you have put your proverbial foot in your mouth at one time or another. It can be quite an embarrassing event. I must admit that one such event occurred at my expense in the recent past.

Last Saturday I awoke from a deep slumber. I had the day off from work so I was in no hurry to rise and shine. What better way to start of the weekend with than a couple of lazy hours of watching the "boob tube". After channel surfing for a few moments I landed on a mini marathon of Law and Order on TNT. I must tell you that I've just recently begun viewing reruns of the show and have become hooked. So a few hours of t.v. seemed like the proper way to ease into my day.

Once I found the motivation to take a shower, I was ready to head out and tackle a short list of errands. I was still a bit fuzzy from an evening of music and beverages at Old City Hall, with a nice collection of friends. I probably stayed out later than I should have but my good friend John McConnell was tearing up the stage. If you have the opportunity, I highly recommend going out to see John next time he's around. It's a groovy mix of original tunes, complimented by a wide range of cover songs from an eclectic group of musical genres. (How was that for a plug Johnny?).

Anyways, like I was saying, I was not entirely playing with a full deck of cards when I left my home. It wasn't just from the night before. It included a 3 day bender that centered around my birthday and a celebration of the Yankees 27th World Series title. So you can imagine that my thoughts were still a bit cloudy. Any of you who were witness to the hi-jinx and shenanigans that played out during my birthday week would understand my mental state even better.

As I was out shopping I happened to bump into an old friend from school. He was accompanied by his lovely wife. I knew who she was, but was never good friends with her in the past. About 6 to 8 minutes of uncomfortable chit-chat ensued. I spent most of that time eyeballing the contents of their shopping cart, searching for another topic, in an effort to extend this awkward chatter. We talked a little bit more about the house I'd recently purchased and what he'd been occupied with at work. She congratulated me on my new dwelling and stated that they too were in the process of purchasing a new home as well.

And then I did it. You might want to hold onto your seats. I may have asked the single most awful question in the HISTORY of questions. I glanced over in the direction of my pal's wife and inquired:

"So how far along are you?"

It seemed like an innocent question, given the circumstances. Like I said, we were merely acquaintances in the past, and in my defense she'd packed a little on, if you know what I mean. When a puzzled look appeared on her mug, I could just feel the blood rushing to my cheeks in embarrassment.

"How far along with what?" she sheepishly responded.

Thank god my buddy quickly bailed me out and said they were less than a month from closing on their new house. The whole time we were there I assumed they were buying a new house to make room for the baby she obviously was carrying around. I shit you not, I was convinced she was knocked up.

I can never be entirely sure if she bought what her husband said, but it appeared that she truly thought I meant how long until they moved. I owe him big time for saving me from throwing myself right under the bus. As a favor, you may have noticed I have not revealed their names. I know that's not usually my style, but he saved me big time, so that's the least I could do.

So as a word of advice, don't ever judge a book by its cover. And under no circumstances do you ever ask a women if she's pregnant. Let them offer that info 1st.