Hockey Night In Canada

Ahhhh. The scent of Autumn is in the air. With that comes the revival of hockey season. And once again eternal optimism returns for fans of the Toronto Maple Leafs. Although my beloved Leafs dropped a tough home opener to the hated Montreal Canadiens last nite, I realize it's a long season and there's a lot of hockey left to be played.

As I reached into the closet yesterday to dress for work I saw my Maple Leafs jersey hanging right in front of me. I think I even heard the Canadian anthem in the background as I plucked the shirt off the hanger. I considered lacing up the skates for work but realized that probably wasn't too practical. I thought of going with in-line skates but that could have been dangerous as well.

Around 3pm I looked at the clock and thought just a few more hours until the puck drops. In walked a couple of college students to get some grub and spirits. One young lady commented on my wears:

"Nice jersey!" she exclaimed. "Are you a Leafs fan?"

Of course I am. What a dip-shit. If I wasn't a Toronto fan why would I subject myself to the scrutiny of their recent misfortunes. They've missed the post season the last 6 years. One of those seasons was lost to an owner's lock-out of the players, so it's actually only five straight seasons. Not that it makes much of a difference.

Anyways, what came out of her mouth next still has my mind boggled.

"You must be one of those bandwagon Leafs fans" she chirped. And she snarled it in a slutty valley girl voice.

Really? Is that even possible? Isn't a bandwagon fan someone who roots for a team that's had a great deal of recent success? I suppose winning their last Stanley Cup in 1967 constitutes recent achievement. And that was 8 years before I was born! I know what you're all thinking. How could someone in great shape and as good looking as me possibly be creeping in on the age of 34. Actually I get that all the time. You have to get used to being gawked at all the time by the "shorties". It's just a part of my life that I have to deal with.

Anyway, getting back to the bandwagon crap. Although Toronto hasn't won a title in over 40+ seasons, it's not like I haven't witnessed any success. They've made it to the conference finals 5 times in my lifetime, 1978,'93,'94,'99, and 2002. I hardly think a bandwagon fan could rattle off those dates without having to look them up.

But enough about the Leafs, and back to bashing this obnoxious bitch at the bar. After bragging about how huge her $22 bar tab was the night before, she stated that she would not be drinking alcohol with her meal. I couldn't have cared less. I just wanted her to shut up for Christ sakes. After I ID'd her companion for his White Russian she too just had to have a drink. I asked for her proof and she was like:

(Again, in a valley girl tone) "Really? Wow that makes me feel so good to still be getting ID'd."

Now I was thinking maybe I misjudged her age. Nope. She turned 21 in APRIL OF THIS YEAR! So after not shutting her mouth for the entire hour they were here, they asked for their bill. It came to $21.08. They passed me 22 bucks. Normally I would give the benefit of the doubt and give back a dollar instead of the exact change. Not this time though, I just had a feeling about these two yokels. I set the $.92 on the counter and as I walked away I could hear her friend push the change forward as it rattled on the bar. It was like finger nails on a chalk board.

He then asked for a cup of coffee because he had to work that night. So naturally I made a fresh pot of decaf without telling him. As I asked for the dollar and a quarter to cover the cost he looked at me like I had horns. How dare I charge him for a measly cup of joe. And what does he do? He grabbed a dollar from his wallet and the quarters from my tip! Upon exit I was down to a $.17 tip! What a couple of giant bags of douche.

Now all of you know I'm not in this job for the money. And I am compensated very well for the most part. I'm all about customer service with a smile. But I do have a mortgage to pay.

Wanna know the worst part? I later found out that both of them are employed in the service industry. They work for tips too. What a couple of clowns. I hope they both get the swine flu.