Where's The Beef?

I was watching News 10 Now a short time ago and apparently it was Beef Day at the New York State Fair in Syracuse. I wasn't even aware that such an event took place at the Fair, but you can probably imagine my disappointment that I was unable to attend. Although, I guess the void will have to be filled with the memory of paying a whole dollar a couple years ago, at the very same festival, to view the 1600 pound Yorkshire pig name Norm. This pig was 8 feet long! However, the best part of visiting with Norm was the elderly couple that was in line in front of us. The woman says to her husband:

"Honey, do you think it's a male or female?"

Which of course was my cue to but into their conversation and reply for him:

"Lady, judging by the size of his 'coin purse', I'm gonna go with a male".

Which if you've ever seen these giant hogs at the Fair, you would agree that their balls are friggin' huge!! His sack had to be at least the size of a basketball. Her reaction after she turned around to look at me was priceless. After gazing at the smart-ass behind her she immediately looked back at Norm and let out a shriek.

"Oh my god!!" was all she could blurt out, as she grabbed gramps by the wing and ran out of the tent. When we came out of the exhibit laughing our asses off, the rest of our party that wouldn't part with a dollar to see him just looked at me and said what did you do to that old woman.

Anyway, back to Beef Day.

So when I saw the story on the news about bovine day at the Fair, I was reminded of another tale about about the cows coming home. Well, sort of. Across the street from my Dad and Step-Mom live a group of cattle. One afternoon there was a jail break by one of these mad cows and it was running around the neighborhood. My old man's wife Donna spotted the runaway and decided to intervene. She got a group of neighbors to help form a posse to get the animal back behind the fence across the way. They decided to form a half circle and "push" the cow back over with the rest of the herd. I'm not sure how long it took, but none the less it was a job 'well done' (pun intended) and they got her home.

It didn't take long for word to spread around the 'hood about what had happened. The owners were quite thankful that their little pet had been returned safely. They quickly learned who had organized the rescue and couldn't wait to give thanks in person. A short bit of time passed and the woman who owned the cow spotted Donna outside and ran across the street. After a quick embrace, they exchanged pleasantries and the woman was on her way. And this is where it got interesting. The owner turned around and said:

"Oh, where are my manners. To show our appreciation we would love to have you over for a steak bake in the fall when our prized cow is ready for slaughter".

That was all Donna needed to hear. The "water works" began almost as soon as the woman was out of sight. It was at this point, through a plethora of tears, that poor Donna realized she was, in fact, responsible for MURDER!! The whole time she thought she was saving the cow's life. When in actuality, she directly lead to its demise.

I probably won't be invited back to their house for Christmas this year after she reads this. But come on people, this is hilarious. I was actually thinking about delaying this post until the Holidays have gone by, but I just couldn't resist. It may cost me a gift on December 25th, but I'll just have to live with it.

So what have we all learned from Beef Day? New York State produces over 236 million pounds of meat a year. In addition, it doesn't always pay to do what you perceive to be a good deed all of the time. So pick you spots for charitible work well. And is it just me, or does a nice medium-rare veal shank sound ideal for dinner tonite.