Monkey Suit

Allow me to set the scene for this entertaining tale. It was centered around a wake that I recently attended. I just want to be upfront and state that I'm not making light of someone's personal loss. It's just that sometimes I can't believe how stupid some people can be. And I'd also like to take this opportunity to pay my respects to my good friend Dave and his family for the loss of his father. R.I.P. Don H.

Alright, back to the rant. So last week a friend was meeting me at Greene's to pick me up after work, so we could travel to Baldwinsville, NY to attend a wake. Obviously he was dressed up a bit. A customary shirt and tie. He left the coat in the car. Nonetheless, he wouldn't normally wear such attire to the bar for no reason. Enter the first ass clown of the night.

"Who died?" he asked, no doubt in reference to my pal's dressy wears. He must have thought he was being funny because he said it with a wry smile. Of course the reply was that our friend's Dad had passed away.

Insert foot! In fact, I even thought I heard a little dialogue between this douche's mouth and foot. It went a little something like this:

"Mouth, this is your foot. Foot, this is your mouth. Well it's nice to meet you".(ASS)

We attended the wake. It's not the circumstances you'd like to see these people under, but it was nice to visit with a few that I hadn't seen in a while. When we exited the funeral home, for some strange reason an enourmous thirst began to overcome us. Not being familiar with the area, we began a trek to find a local watering hole. We stumbled upon a nice place near the water so we agreed that this joint would be satisfactory. I believe the name of the place was Lock 24 or something or other. And if you have the means and are in that area, I highly suggest the over stuffed mushroom caps. The were quite delectible.

As we took a couple of stools at the bar I quickly saw that they had a regional beer called Saranac Black Forest. It's a very smooth, Porter style brew. Upon my request, the lovely bar maid complimented me on my choice.

"You must know your beers." she stated. I nodded in concurrence. "Then you must be old enough to drink too?" she alluded. As I pawed for my wallet she said I was ok, but I already had my ID in hand. So she decided to take a gander at it anyway, since it was already out.

"How old do you think I am?" I inquired as I pulled my license away. She took a good glance. I guess I kinda would be classified as "eye candy". Then she looked at the MUCH, MUCH OLDER friend to my left and assumed he was my father. I don't think I mentioned yet that I was sitting next to Rich Murney. Sorry, I just had to throw you under the bus there big guy.

"24?" she guessed with great confidence. I then handed over my ID with a proud smile. After all, I was born in November of '75. Do the math people. Suprisingly, I'm nearly ten years older than she thought. I believe her response was "No fuckin' way!!"

We finished up our beverages and vittles and returned to Oswego. After a quick stop at the Oswego Country Club's bar for a "pop" at the 19th hole, we then ventured down the road to Thirsty's bar. Afterwards, I made my way to Spencer's Ali before stopping back to Greene's. I know that sounds like quite a drinking session, but it made sense to stop at Greene's. In my defense, it's on the way home.

Now admittedly, I am kind of a t-shirt and shorts type of guy for the most part. So of course I looked a bit out of place in a shirt and tie. (And before you ask, yes, I tied it myself.) Many of the patrons at these establishments were of course inquiring about my "digs".

"Lets see, Thursday night, and I'm dressed up? I went to a wake tonite you morons. Ya think I got all gussied up for the farmer's market?"

And then someone had to be an idiot and ask "How was the wake?"

"It was a real humdinger. We were having such a great time, WE CLOSED THE FRICKIN' PLACE!!"

Really people, it's usually a good idea to think before you speak sometimes. I learned a very long time ago, from working in a bar, that if you see someone dressed up, and they never wear "stuff" like that, there's probably two explanations. They've either got a wedding to go to, or they have gone to a wake or funeral. And when it's a weekday, that's usually a pretty good indication that its the latter.