Miami Vice

It's official. I now hate the Miami Dolphins even more than ever. A press conference has been set for Thursday to announce that Gloria Estefan and her hubby Emilio, have purchased a minority ownership of the Fish.

I mean is she that hard up for work that she has to buy a team so she can sing the National Anthem at home games. Does this mean that The Miami Sound Machine is back? I seriously hope not. Next thing you know Benny Mardonas is gonna buy the Buffalo Sabres in an attempt to resurect what little career he never had.

And didn't she die in a bus accident like 20 years ago.

I can see it now. "Ladies and gentlemen, your Miami Dolphins take the field!"

And 53 douchebags in teal jerseys come running out to her favorite song CONGA! If the Bills don't beat the crap out of them this year I'll never be able to show my face in public again. And if she even thinks about flying up to New York when they play the Bills I think I might go and punch her in the face.

Brett Favre retires from the Jets, Tom Brady blows his knee out, "Mrs Castro" owns the 'Fins, and Terrell Owens signs with Buffalo. All the stars are aligning. This could finally be the year the Bills win a Super Bowl!

Home Land Security

So Friday nite I decide to check out a couple of bands at a local watering hole after work. Central New York duo Elephant Shoes was the opening band. I highly recommend checking them out the next time they come to town. It will be worth your while. Just a bit of advice though, be sure to bring plenty of ID and a note from your parents that its ok to be out drinking past 7pm.

Here's why.

Now, I would never complain about someone doing their job and asking for ID to drink alcohol. After all, I've been bartending for close to 12 years, and I understand the risk of serving someone underage. Thankfully, I have never done such a thing because when I'm behind the bar, I'm a super cop. The door guy working Friday nite was..... how should I say this..... ummmm.... maybe a little "over enthusiastic" about his job.

So I get to the door and see the bright neon green staff shirt. No big deal. I just think he's gonna ask for a cover charge. When he asked for ID I immediately handed over my valid driver's license which states that I am 33 years of age. Actually, I'm almost 33 and 2/3rds of a year. (I don't know why I still refer to my age in fractions like a 4th grader, but I guess it's just the kid in my heart, it keeps me young) Anyways, as he's looking it over I turn to talk to the "old guy" behind me. Sorry Rich, but he didn't even ask you for ID.

"I said I needed to see 2 forms of ID" he barked.

"Oh, sorry Mr. General. My bad. Here ya go"

I handed him a credit card with my picture on it thinking that would appease him. Not so much. As I handed him the card he sees an old college ID from Potsdam, circa 1996.

"Whoa, what was that one. I need to see that too. NOW."

I'm thinking, what a dick. And then figure this is gonna get fun real fast. If any of you knew me in '97, or have seen that picture, you'd know I look nothing like that anymore. I was 21 and had a HUGE AFRO!! I could see that picture was gonna be an issue so I immediately grabbed for another credit card. Now we're up to 4 forms of ID. That's apparently twice the amount of proof he asked for in the 1st place.

"Need anything else? I got a lot more in my wallet if you need it" I spouted back.

At this point I don't know who wanted to deck him more, me or the old guy behind me. I was just about to pull out my Official Scooby Doo Membership card that I got in 1st grade. And YES, I still carry that card to this day. Never know when it might come in handy.

He looks back at me and says "I guess you can go in" and he handed back all of my ID's.

What a dink. Do your job, but you don't have to be a douche about it. And I can't wait until the next time he comes into Greene's. That's right, he comes to the bar I work at. And I go to the bar he works at 2 times a week at least. I don't care if he just want to get lunch and a soda. If he can't prove 4 times over that he's at least 18, gonna have to send him on his way until he comes back with a parent or legal guardian. Two can play at this game.

I guess I'm not a preferred customer at that establishment, but that's another story for another time.