So many of you know I put my big boy pants on recently and made an adult decision. I purchased my first house and moved in almost 2 weeks ago. When I looked at the house there was one feature in particular that caught my eye. It wasn't the size, color, location, or condition. Although each of those were important factors, the major selling point was the stairs leading to the second floor. They had CARPET!
I realize that might sound a bit strange because any house that I decided on buying, I could have just put the carpet in myself. However, my history of navigating staircases in the past has been less than stellar. This place was ready for me to move in. Allow me to share why this feature will be crucial to my survival.
Years ago, following an afternoon of adult beverages at a local watering hole, I returned home. As I went upstairs to retrieve some money to pay for my dinner, I somehow lost my balance on the top step and tumbled to the bottom of the staircase. With my feet resting on the fourth step and my torso all the way at the bottom, my housemate comes running around the corner to find out what all the racket was coming from upstairs.
"Are you alright? Do you need help getting up? he questioned with a smirk on his face.
"Uh... No, I'm just gonna stay here for a couple of minutes" was all I could manage.
I think I may have even snuck in a little nap as we waited for our subs. But let me tell ya, I wasn't doing so good the next morning when I had to go to work. I had rug burns on my arms and legs. I might have even had a crack in my collar bone. When I reached up to grab a mug that was hanging at the bar where I work ,I dropped right to the floor in agony. It would be months before I could reach above my head without buckling in pain. Not to mention, it really put a hitch in my golf game that Summer. But at least the stairs had carpeting, so I slid most of the way down.
Now fast forward to this past New Year's Eve. I got out of work at 4 and had a few drinks. Not nearly enough to get me drunk and fall. Or so I thought. So I go home with a slight buzz and call Canale's for dinner. If you have the means, I highly recommend trying their Chicken ala Cacciatore. It really is to die for. But I digress.
So as I'm waiting for the delivery, I figure I might as well go out and shovel. It's good exercise and a chance to keep me in shape for city league basketball. Gotta give my best for the team. Go Fightin' Gargoyles!!
So I get done with the driveway and sidewalks and accidentally tracked in a bunch of snow into the house. Unfortunately for me my cheap ass land lord didn't have carpeted stairs to soak up the moisture. Sorry Seth, but it's true. You could of prevented major injury with carpeted stairs.
So the food gets there and as I'm running down the steps I hit the snow and go tumbling down the stairs. I must have did two and a half flips on the way down. Fortunately the door at the bottom broke my fall.
"Are you o.k. in there sir?" I hear the driver shout through the door. Seriously, did he have to bruise my ego even more and call me sir. It's not like I broke my hip or something.
So I reach up and unlock the deadbolt and my body falls onto the outdoor steps.
"I'm fine. Just gimme the damn food" I bellowed. "And is there any way we can keep this our little secret? There's an extra tip in it for you"
Looking back, if I was him I would have told everybody. That's just something you can't make up. So all of you on the Canale's staff that night, I admit it. It was definitely me who took that hilarious fall. And boy was I sore for a few weeks. I had bruises that changed into just about every color you can imagine. But, I learned my lesson and haven't taken a spill since.
Now you see why carpeting on the stairs was a major selling point in buying my house. I've found over the years that it pads the fall just enough to cut down on the bruising. The house is great now that I've unpacked and I do love the neighborhood. I guess all that's left for me to do is knock some chick up and get married, then get divorced so I can get a head start on my 2nd marriage. I can see it playing out like this.
"Sorry honey, I'm gonna have to get rid of you. I'm happy, but statistically speaking this is probably gonna end soon anyways." And then I can live happily ever after in my very own house with carpeted stairs.
I realize that might sound a bit strange because any house that I decided on buying, I could have just put the carpet in myself. However, my history of navigating staircases in the past has been less than stellar. This place was ready for me to move in. Allow me to share why this feature will be crucial to my survival.
Years ago, following an afternoon of adult beverages at a local watering hole, I returned home. As I went upstairs to retrieve some money to pay for my dinner, I somehow lost my balance on the top step and tumbled to the bottom of the staircase. With my feet resting on the fourth step and my torso all the way at the bottom, my housemate comes running around the corner to find out what all the racket was coming from upstairs.
"Are you alright? Do you need help getting up? he questioned with a smirk on his face.
"Uh... No, I'm just gonna stay here for a couple of minutes" was all I could manage.
I think I may have even snuck in a little nap as we waited for our subs. But let me tell ya, I wasn't doing so good the next morning when I had to go to work. I had rug burns on my arms and legs. I might have even had a crack in my collar bone. When I reached up to grab a mug that was hanging at the bar where I work ,I dropped right to the floor in agony. It would be months before I could reach above my head without buckling in pain. Not to mention, it really put a hitch in my golf game that Summer. But at least the stairs had carpeting, so I slid most of the way down.
Now fast forward to this past New Year's Eve. I got out of work at 4 and had a few drinks. Not nearly enough to get me drunk and fall. Or so I thought. So I go home with a slight buzz and call Canale's for dinner. If you have the means, I highly recommend trying their Chicken ala Cacciatore. It really is to die for. But I digress.
So as I'm waiting for the delivery, I figure I might as well go out and shovel. It's good exercise and a chance to keep me in shape for city league basketball. Gotta give my best for the team. Go Fightin' Gargoyles!!
So I get done with the driveway and sidewalks and accidentally tracked in a bunch of snow into the house. Unfortunately for me my cheap ass land lord didn't have carpeted stairs to soak up the moisture. Sorry Seth, but it's true. You could of prevented major injury with carpeted stairs.
So the food gets there and as I'm running down the steps I hit the snow and go tumbling down the stairs. I must have did two and a half flips on the way down. Fortunately the door at the bottom broke my fall.
"Are you o.k. in there sir?" I hear the driver shout through the door. Seriously, did he have to bruise my ego even more and call me sir. It's not like I broke my hip or something.
So I reach up and unlock the deadbolt and my body falls onto the outdoor steps.
"I'm fine. Just gimme the damn food" I bellowed. "And is there any way we can keep this our little secret? There's an extra tip in it for you"
Looking back, if I was him I would have told everybody. That's just something you can't make up. So all of you on the Canale's staff that night, I admit it. It was definitely me who took that hilarious fall. And boy was I sore for a few weeks. I had bruises that changed into just about every color you can imagine. But, I learned my lesson and haven't taken a spill since.
Now you see why carpeting on the stairs was a major selling point in buying my house. I've found over the years that it pads the fall just enough to cut down on the bruising. The house is great now that I've unpacked and I do love the neighborhood. I guess all that's left for me to do is knock some chick up and get married, then get divorced so I can get a head start on my 2nd marriage. I can see it playing out like this.
"Sorry honey, I'm gonna have to get rid of you. I'm happy, but statistically speaking this is probably gonna end soon anyways." And then I can live happily ever after in my very own house with carpeted stairs.
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