Jesus Fish

Yesterday it became apparent to me that it was the start of lent. At 1st I thought I just had some scummy customers who forgot to wash the dirt off of their foreheads, but was later corrected when my buddy said his wife would be joining him shortly, after she went to church for ashes (thanks Wink a.k.a. Shamrock).

Knowing I was off to a great start to the Lenten season with the delicious turkey sandwich I had for lunch, which was to be followed by lasagna with sausage for dinner at my father's house, I figured I would approach lent this year with a bit of a "bizzaro world" theme. That is to say I will do the opposite of what all of you good little Catholics are supposed to do.

Therefore, I promise to eat meat every Friday until lent is over. And that includes red and white meat as well as ALL SEAFOOD. I never got how Catholics justified fish as not being meat. I mean was Jesus sitting on the side of the mountain giving a sermon declaring "And there shall be no meat eaten on Fridays as we sacrifice during this Lenten season." Followed by, "But Jesus, what about fish? You love fish, you eat it everyday!"

"Uh, uh..... fish isn't meat," must have been his reply.

"Then what is it?" his devoted follower replied in distress.

"LISTEN. I'm calling the shots around here and I say that fish isn't meat. GOT IT." he proclaimed with that stare only He could do. And everyone got in line.

Next, I will not give something up for lent. I have decided to pick something up instead. What better habit than smoking. I promise to smoke cigarettes for the next 40 days in an effort to show my devotion to those of you who toil every year with the idea giving up something you love. When I was a kid and was... how can I say this...I was forced, ...no.... STRONGLY encouraged to give something up for lent,and I would go without soda until Easter. I would count the days until Easter Sunday, knowing that not only was there a bunch of candy in my basket somewhere in the house, there would also be a warm 2 liter of soda next to it. And every year I would pop the top and drink at least half of it in one swig. Which always resulted in the same dilema every year. An hour later I'd be squirming in church trying not to piss in my Sunday Bests after all the Sprite I'd consumed.

The way I figure, 40 days ought to be just about the right amount of time to not only get addicted to cigarettes, but also not break my bank. And at the end of 40 days I pledge to quit smoking, cold turkey. Hey, if I got off the steroids after 3 years of use, I think I can lick smoking too. Plus, I've been told by former smokers that quitting has been the most rewarding experience of their lives.

So there you have it. A steady diet of red meat, fried seafood, and Lucky Strikes for the next month or so. If you too are a "Recovering Catholic" like me and want to join me in this mission, please jump on board and light up a smoke today!

I'm Off the Juice

By now I'm sure some of you have heard the news and with much regret I admit it is true. I did in fact take steroids in the late '90's while employed at Greene's Ale House in Oswego, New York. It's time I came clean.

First, I'd like to apologize to my family and friends for dragging you through the mud. When I took the job I swear it was never my intention to take job enhancing drugs. I only intended to use recreational drugs (to which I admit also happened) and it was a downward spiral from there. I was a typical college student who fell prey to the temptations of experimentation. When working three nights a week til 3am on top of 15 hours a week of in class time I began to feel a great deal of fatigue. And although I could live with academic mediocrity, I simply couldn't allow it to affect my job. Those of you who know me well, I routinely throw myself into my work with no concern for my well being. And this dedication caught up with me in the Fall of '97.

After less than 2 months on the job the academic pressures began to catch up with me. I was exhausted from over studying but went to work anyway. And on a busy Saturday night tossing kegs around in the cooler I sustained a serious knee injury which still exists today. Afraid that I would no longer be able to compete with my fellow bar back and move up to bartender I did in fact knowingly take performance enhancing drugs. Within weeks I was promoted and even given my own set of keys to the bar. With this instant status jump I became addicted to the celebrity. Flocked by numerous fans and countless ladies I went on taking "roids" until my performance was back up to my standards.

Eventually, the guilt of what I had done not only to myself, but also the shame I was bringing to my fellow bartenders was too much to take and I was able to get off the juice cold turkey. I realize it may seem trivial to reveal this a decade later but I believe it's imperative to finally find closure. Anyone who I may have hurt along the way I am truly sorry. I hope I can be forgiven and I swear on my Mother's good name that when I won Bartender of the Year the past 2 "seasons" I was completely drug free. I will understand if some of my loyal drinkers pull their votes this year. I brought this on myself and except full responsibility. It is my hope that we can all put this embarrassing stage of my life behind us and move on.

Thank you.

And the Grammy Goes To?

Alright. In light of the recent heat wave in Upstate New York I've started getting a little Spring Fever. And with the impending rise in temperature comes the Summer concert tours. Time to get outside, do some tailgating, do a few beer funnels, and listen to some tunes. As I anticipate what shows I'm going to attend this year I got to thinking about the shows I've been in my formative years.

So the purpose of this blog is to share with you my concert history as well as yours too. What I'd like all of you to do is think of all the shows you've been to and pick out the most embarrassing concert you've ever been to. I know it might be painful to admit it, but the therapeutic recall could be quite beneficial.
Before I get to my most embarrassing concert, and it's a DOOZIE, I thought I'd share what I listen to now as well as the many other kickass shows I attended in the past.

I'd have to say I got a bit of a late start into music. The second concert I ever went to was to see The Grateful Dead in Buffalo in the Summer of '93. My introduction to the Dead came about 6 months before the show. My older brother came home from college for Xmas break and came into my room while I was sleeping. Without any concern for my obvious fatigue he sits on my floor to play my Nintendo, (which by the way more than 15 years later, it still works. Who needs an X Box anyway.) So he pops in a Dead greatest hits CD. As I'm pulled from my slumber to realize that he's in fact the reason I'm even more tired than when I went to take my nap I start to enjoy what I'm hearing. Without boring you with the crap I'd been listening to up to that point in my life I asked what he was listening to.

"Oh, did I wake you up?" No, I usually listen to music that shakes the walls. I find that it tended to refresh me when I slept. He could be such a douche bag at times. But I don't want to get side tracked. That would be another session with my therapist.

He asked me if I really liked this band. I said yes and he said we're gonna go to see them this Summer. As it turned out they were on tour in the East Coast only a couple hours away when the dates were released in the Spring. Plus Sting was opening for them, which if you ever get the chance, go see him too. I was kind of a closet Police fan in the early to mid 80's. I think my older sister won one of there record albums off the radio when we were kids so I used to listen to that. Plus it was better than the other crap she always played. Artists such as Journey ( who I did see at the State Fair last August and realized they aren't too bad actually), Air Supply (ugh!) and Foreigner. I mean are you ever really Cold as Ice? I think not. Sometimes I wonder how the Hell I ever made it out of that house and ended up being this popular and cool.

So we truck of to Buffalo on a hot and hazy Sunday morning. It seemed like a better time than going to church that day. We arrive at the parking lot and begin to sample some of the "culture". I remember asking why none of these people ever took a shower, but they seemed to be very nice as a whole so I put up with the stench. When we went in I couldn't believe what I saw. Still to this day one of the most memorable days of my life. It was like everyone was family. We were befriended by complete strangers. I wouldn't call it quite a religious experience. That would come more than a decade later when I went to the Midwest to see them again in Deer Creek Indiana and then at Star Lake Amphitheater in Pittsburgh where I experienced some "stronger culture" so to speak. Imagine a simpler time when venues still had their own unique names, not something dot com, or Pepsi center. Although I do really like the taste of Pepsi. There's something about it that's quite refreshing.

With the Dead beginning to have an influence on me I would begin to find some other great bands. Many of which came to this great metropolis of Oswego at legendary venues such as Old City Hall as well as Bucklands. For you younger people Bucklands used to be located where McDonald's is on the West side of Oswego. Ask you parents about it. They just might admit to have been there, but I doubt it. But I saw bands such as Conehead Buddha, which to this day is still my single most favorite band. Must have seen them close to 50 times in my life and it was always a work out. Those of you who had the pleasure of seeing them live, let alone watching me dancing like a pogo stick in the front row would back me up on their excellence. Also bands such as Doc Apple and Dexter Grove to name a couple played some fantastic sets here in O-Town. And today my new favorite band over the last 5 or 6 years, The Travis Rocco Band, who you can see at Greene's Ale House on the Friday night of the Bridge St. Run (I know, what a shameless plug for my favorite band and the bar that I work at, but I guarantee they are worth your time).

Outside of Oswego I've seen plenty of great bands. The Allman Brothers, Phish, Buck Cherry, Papa Roach, Pink Floyd, and Dave Matthews among others. When I saw Dave in '94 at Darien Lake for the Horde Tour nobody had ever even heard of them. If there were even 30 people up in front of the stage for their set I'd be surprised. Then a year later they sold out 80,000 seats at Giants Stadium in 90 minutes. Amazing! Caught them before they got huge and still to this day the only time I've ever seen them. Maybe that's something I'll have to remedy this Summer. And the number of K-Rock-a-thons at Weedsport that I've attended. I'm sure I'll go again if its there this year to. Look for me.

Which brings me to the point of this essay into my past. All of the memories stated above are something I am proud to admit to have experienced. What follows? Not so much. But again I'm going to throw Big Sis under the bus because this was her idea. In the Spring of 1988, Oswego State announced their Spring concert event. In my defense the "artist" which I'm about to reveal was someone I had a huge crush on. She was a cute teenager with perky "congas". What boy of 12 and a half wouldn't have adored her. And anyone who thinks I'm talking about Tiffany, Fuck You! If that's who you thought it was, "I think You're (probably) Alone Now", go jump in the lake. Any guesses? Yup, you got it. None other than DEBBIE GIBSON! I know, I know, but I was 12 and everyone who was anyone from Minetto Elementary Class of '88 went to see her. You know who you are. Admit it now before I expose you like A-ROD and steroids.

Alright. So the cat (MEOW) is out of the bag. Now its your turn. Take that trip down memory lane and share your most embarrassing concert of all time if you've got the balls. I'm sure at least one of you went to see New Kids On The Block or Prince. Reveal yourself now, or I'll do it for you.