So I've been a bartender at Greene's Ale House in Oswego NY since August of 1997. Seems like a long time but the time really has flown by. During my 11 year stint I have seen and heard some really crazy shit at the bar. One of those events took place on Friday December 5th. It went a little something like this.
A typical Friday at Ye Olde Towne Tavern consists of a decent lunch crowd followed by a short lull before some of Oswego's finest come to visit me for a few mugs of cheer. Usually a few groups of teachers come in after school, people from the nuke plants, and many of my mug club regulars to name a few. This day was no different. Except I knew many of the teachers wouldn't be in because of their snow day. Which by the way WTF! Anyone who grew up around here would scoff at the fact that Friday was a snow day. Anyways I digress.
At about 12 some of the usual suspects had arrived for a bite and some liquid refreshments. Seth P and Tony L as well as my brother to name a few. As I'm having a pleasant chat with my bro in walks our main character of this little story. I see him walking in the parking lot and don't think much of it at all. At 1st glance I mistake him for Tee Pullen. Must have been the flannel shirt accompanied by the mesh hat with a foam visor that threw me off. As I approach this prospective customer I begin to size him up. He appears to be under some sort of duress.
"Can I help you" I asked. To which he replied
"Where's the Wholesale Diamond Exchange?"
"Down the street sir but unfortunately there was a nasty fire on the block this week and that business sustained quite a bit of damage"
As this story goes that was not the answer he was looking for. You see he had just come from there and found the store to be unoccupied. Strange right. How are they not open 48 hours after one of the worst fires O Town has seen in recent years.
"Well I just talked to someone on the phone from there and told them I was coming to their store." he barked. So I retrieve a phone book at his request and go on serving some of my loyal customers. Gotta treat the regulars well if I have any chance of three-peating as Oswego County's bartender of the year as voted by the faithful readers of the local fish wrap. I'm talking about the reader's choice awards in The Palladium Times of course. Gotta keep the voting public happy.
After browsing through the yellow pages for a minute to find this "jewel shack" he is becoming more and more frustrated. He can't find the address or phone number. I offer that maybe he contacted another local jeweler by mistake. Again, not the answer he was looking for.
"I talked to Wholesale Diamond Exchange. They didn't tell me about no fire. Where did they move to? This is BULLSHIT!"
"Well sir, there's another store down the street called Dufore's that might be of some assistance. (Sorry to any employees at that establishment if I threw you under the bus there but I wanted him out as fast as humanly possible)"
And then it happened. The bar was lowered in Oswego by one of our finest. What I'm about to tell you is the honest to gods truth. I have witnesses to back me up. I shit you not this is what he said.
"I just got all my gold teeth pulled yesterday and I wanna sell 'em. I'm not walking all across town. Where did they move to! This is F*?ing BULLSHIT!" Doing my best to remain calm, which to my credit I think I do a pretty good job of doing given my chosen field in which I'm employed, I again offer the option of Dufore's without laughing in his face. Instead he throws the phone book on the bar and makes tracks. I only wish I could have followed him on his adventure to see how he made out.
And there you have it kids. That's my life as a bartender in a nutshell. No two days are ever alike. I mean have you ever heard of such a thing. I realize that the economy is in the toilet but who gets their teeth pulled for CASH! Ya gotta love small town USA. And here's the kicker. Shortly after he left that commercial that offers you money if you mail in your broken gold came on the tv. What timing.
So the moral of the story is brush three times daily and always remember to tip your bartender. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
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