Part of my job as a bartender is obviously interacting with a great deal of people. Most of the interaction is face to face. However, talking on the phone, for business reasons, is also an essential aspect of helping to maintain a properly functioning business.
Whether it's calling in payroll, taking food orders, speaking with sales people, or trying to smooth over the occasional complaint when one of my co-workers screws up, most of the people on the other end of the line, are in fact, nearly as intelligent as me. Weird, I know. But in the past that has been the case. However, the IQ of some callers has come into question during my time at Greene's. Allow me to share a few examples if you would.
Can someone please explain to me when it became the norm for telemarketers to turn the tables on us and actually treat us like shit? At times, it is partially my fault when I answer their calls. You and I know very well that when you answer the phone and there's a delay, it's probably a telemarketer. Normally I use that window to just hang up. The problem with that strategy is that if you don't take the call, their computer will continue to automatically keep calling you back every five minutes. This can be a complete pain in the ass, especially if you are busy.
Here is where I have a problem. I know many of us used to just hang up on telemarketers when this annoyance first became prevalent. That behavior sucked though because they were just trying to do their jobs. What chaps my ass is when they call a business now and ask to speak to the owner or financial decision maker. When I tell them that person is not available, before I offer to take a message, now they just hang up. What gives? I thought it was their occupation to solicit new business. I hardly think hanging up on a potential client is acceptable. I hate those friggin' ass-napkins!
On more occasions than I can count, I've actually had people call up and ask for the phone number to other bars. Really? You want me to steer business to a competitor because you're too lazy to look up their number? Don't get me wrong, its flattering that you know the number to Greene's by heart, but there are these things called telephone books that are issued on an annual basis to update, as well as confirm that businesses, and humans for that matter, are still alive and kicking. If they're listed in the book, the place is probably still in existence. In the event that you cannot locate a copy of the Yellow Pages, there is this recent invention called the Internet, as well as public information, that can provide you with the digits you so desire. Call them to find out their hours of operation.
I'll offer an instance of such laziness.
"But I thought that since you worked in a tavern, you'd know the numbers to all of the other bars in Oswego too" some clown asked me.
"O.k., by that logic, you must know the phone numbers to every douche-bag in town as well." was my retort.
I could have given him the number to some place I don't like, but it didn't seem worth my while. Instead, I just placed him on hold and waited for him to figure it out that I wasn't ever coming back to the phone to assist him.
Another unfortunate irony that has come into play at Greene's pertains to the similarity between the phone number here, and the number for Time Warner Cable's office, located on West 1st Street in Oswego. Our numbers are identical, with the exception of the very last digit. This has caused both some entertaining as well as extremely frustrating conversations.
At least once a week someone reaches out to the cable company and misdials their phone. More often than not it sounds as if its an elderly person on the other end of the line, so I always inform them that they've obtained the incorrect destination.
For every one of those cases, there have been an equal number of able bodied idiots who have called us and were positive that they'd gotten a service person at Time Warner. I had just finished a shift a few years back when the phone rang. There was a rookie bartender relieving me so I stayed around in case she needed any help. Good thing I did. She turned every shade of red imaginable and tearfully said the person on the phone wanted to speak with a supervisor. So I grabbed the phone and asked if I could be of assistance.
"I had an appointment for noon 'til 4 today. It's now 5 o'clock. Where the fuck are you people?".
After trying to calm him down for a moment I quickly realized that wasn't gonna happen. It was at about the time he began demanding free HBO that the last drop of my patience had dissolved.
"Hey you fucking asshole, if you've got a problem with your television, I'd suggest calling the cable company. Your dumb ass called a bar you dickhead!"
Probably not my most civil response to a call at Greene's, but very justifiable in my humble opinion. And that leads me to my latest "victim" to dial the wrong number.
A couple of weeks ago, a former co-worker called the bar and I pleasantly responded "Greene's Ale House." The person instantly recognized my voice and said hello to me. After a moment of small talk she admitted that she too was looking for the cable company. No big deal. Like I stated, the numbers are nearly identical. She made an honest mistake and dialed incorrectly. But nonetheless, we said our good-byes and I didn't expect to hear from her again. No sooner had I hung up on her the phone rang again.
"Greg, it's you again."
I admit, I was a bit puzzled. But her explanation was even better.
"I hit redial and I got the bar again. Why can't I get a hold of Time Warner?"
I didn't have the heart to explain to her how the redial feature works on a phone. Whether you dialed the correct number on the first attempt or not, the people at the phone company have no clue as to whom you are trying to reach. Therefore, when you hit redial its going to undoubtedly call back the same number.
As I look back now, I should have explained how redial works. When I hung up the second time, the phone rang again right away. When I answered, the party on the other end simply hung up. The fourth and final call in a row ended before I could even pick up the receiver. But my hunch told me it was her all four times.
I'd have to say she actually put a smile on my face and made my day. I was surprised because she's really an intelligent person. In fact, she was fun to work with back in the day.
Damn. It's just my luck. The phone is ringing. I gotta go.
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