Go For The Gold!

It's no secret that I am extremely passionate when it comes to sporting events. I love watching Duke beat the piss out of North Carolina in college basketball and the Yankees bitch slapping the Red Sox on the baseball diamond. I'm also quite competitive when I'm on the hard courts playing Men's League Basketball, or diving all over the volley ball pit during the Summer months for the Greene's Ale House co-ed team. Quite often I compete with reckless abandonment, sacrificing my Adonis-like physique for the welfare of my teammates. At times my dedication results in a great deal of cuts and bruises. But hey, no pain, no gain, right? Besides, with the proper amount of alcohol before, during, and after said competitions, I think I manage the pain rather well.

Enough about my many accomplishments. My beef is with NBC's family of networks and the International Olympic Committee for their spotty coverage of the 2010 Winter Games in Vancouver. It all began with the very 1st night, before the Opening Ceremonies aired. Was it absolutely necessary to show 21 year old Republic of Georgia luger, Nodar Kumaritashvili, slam into a support beam during practice, resulting in his untimely death. I get that it was a news worthy event, but they didn't need to air it without warning 16 times in a row in slow motion. I would expect that type of gruesome video on YouTube, but not on national television.

The next faux pas that occurred which really chapped my ass took place during the Women's 10K cross country skiing competition. Gold medal favorite Kristin Smigun, of Estonia, took a nasty spill during her qualifying heat. Only the top 30 times moved on to the medal round so it appeared that her hopes were squashed. If you haven't seen the crash, look it up on the Internet. She missed a turn and dropped down a hole about 10 feet. You couldn't even see her as she seemingly fell of the face of the Earth. After she was assisted out of the bunker, the Olympic Committee must have had a moment of weakness. In an unprecedented move, those bleeding heart douche bags let her go back to the starting gate and begin a second qualifying run. Surprise, surprise, the World's #1 ranked skier in this event managed to post a time in the top 30. What really pissed me off was that her time bumped the last legitimate athlete who qualified for the medal run. Talk about favoritism. That would have been just like letting A-Rod bat again during the World Series if he had struck out with the game on the line. Fortunately, he came through for the Bronx Bombers and he legitimately got his "Gold Medal". Little miss Smigun wasn't as successful as A-Rod. It was poetic justice that she only "won" the Silver Medal.

I also understand that with the Olympics there comes a great deal of different sports. I realize some of the events that I enjoy watching might not coincide with the tastes of every other viewer. And NBC can't show all of the events, even though they are showing games on 4 different stations. But I think the networks should show a greater variety of events.

So lets start with curling. I actually love curling, now that I understand how the strategy and scoring works. It might seem like paint drying to some of you, but during the 2006 Games in Torino, Italy, I managed to corner a native Canadian in a local watering hole and demanded that he explain how curling worked, so to speak. But as much as I enjoy curling, I do think it was covered excessively.

I would, however, watch curling 24 hours a day if I never had to be subjected to ice dancing ever again. Ice dancing? Really? What is the friggin' point of that so called sport. Who wants to watch that crap. It's about as exciting as watching C-SPAN, or re-runs of Designing Women, before Delta Burke ballooned to 400 pounds. I can't stand watching figure skating either, but at least there's a pretty good chance that a couple of the competitors could choke under the pressure of the moment and fall. They might even break a bone or bloody their nose and make it interesting.

What I really can't stand about the figure skating is the commentating. I've got a message for former U.S. Olympic figure skater, turned broadcaster, Scott Hamilton:

"Your brother Yoda just called. Luke Skywalker cancelled tonight's dinner party. You don't need to stop at the liquor store on your way home from the rink."

Seriously, how old is that guy. He looks like a 90 year old, bald, troll doll. And that frickin' pip-squeak voice of his when one of those clowns lands a triple axle or toe loop for Christ sakes. Give me a break.

For the most part I am a huge fan of the Olympics. I just think they need to be fine tuned a bit. For starters get rid of the skating. Put a keg of beer at the end of the curling rink. And make the biathlon skier/shooters hunt wild game instead of stationary targets. I think that's just what NBC and the Olympic Committee needs to spice things up for the 2014 Winter Games in Russia. Who knows, as bad as the U.S. Men's Curling team performed in Vancouver, if I start training now, maybe I could be on the next squad. But only if the team has a healthy supply of beer in Russia.

The End of Innocence

About two weeks ago, a frightening story was unleashed that could be a sign that the beginning of the end is nearing with regards to amateur sports. The University of Southern California (USC) accepted a verbal commitment from David Sills of Bear, Delaware, to play quarterback for the Trojans. I guess that shouldn't come as a total surprise. Many of the nation's top Seniors are signing on the dotted line to play Division I sports. The traditional power houses have been aggressively snatching up NFL caliber talent like David, in an effort to win the next BCS National Championship game.

Oh....Did I forget to mention that David Sills is not a Senior this year? In fact, the little shit isn't even in high school for cryin' out loud. He's a friggin' 13 year old boy who's expected to graduate in 2015! He just found out that there's no Santa Claus 3 years ago for Christ sakes. Now USC is expecting him to take over as their signal caller in 5 years so they can reach the promised land again? Excuse me while I go take a piss on the Trojan's football program.

Any verbal agreement with an athlete is not entirely binding for either side. Until they actually put ink to paper, both parties could legally put an end to their partnership. I'm just appalled that "amateur sports" have gotten to this point. This kid should be worried about putting gum in some girl's hair from his class and not getting caught for it. He shouldn't be seriously thinking about what he's gonna major in when he goes to college.

It's also creeping into the ranks of college hoops. I know that basketball scouts have been ranking kids as young as 12 for decades. That's nothing new. And now DePaul University in Chicago has taken it a step further to sign a 12 year old basketball star. The school's Athletic Director Jean Ponsetto admits to having had contact with Jahlil Okafor. If the name sounds familiar it should. He is the cousin of former UCONN star Emeka Okafor who now plays in the NBA for the New Orleans Hornets. Ponsetto stupidly confirmed that a relationship with this 6 and a half foot tall wonder-boy has been ongoing with the Blue Demons staff.

I can already see the drool slobbering from the mouths of the NCAA rules committee. Good luck DePaul, the NCAA is a more ruthless organization than The P.L.O. Just by admitting that they initiated contact with a player his age who hasn't signed with them is a major violation. Nice going. Even if this youngster wants to play for DePaul when he's eligible, the Blue Demons will probably be suspended from post season play as a result of the contact they had with Jahlil when he was 12.

The exploitation of kids isn't just reserved for the next great super star on the field. How about the little girls who are treated like Barbie Dolls. You know you've seen it. I'm talking about parents who live out their own childhood fantasies by forcing kids to compete in cut-throat, winner take all, beauty pageants. Or how about some of the schmucks who parade their teens out onto the stage to become the next American Idol. I'd rather listen to a bird stuck in the garbage disposal than have to hear some of these hacks. And listen you PETA tree huggers, I'm kidding about the bird. I'm just trying to make my point, so don't bother getting on my ass about that little barb.

I guess my gripe is that childhood is ending far too prematurely. Picking a college at such a young age is ludicrous in my eyes. It's good that they are interested in higher education, but is it for the right reasons. Where does it stop? Maybe David and Jahlil should give up their last year of Junior High and enter High School early. The risk of injury is too great to risk another year at their current level.

I do wish David, Jahlil, as well as the rest of the youth of America the best of luck. With this type of pressure at such a young age, I believe this won't be the last time we will be reading about them in the media outlets. Hopefully it will be for academic and athletic achievement. My gut tells me it will be in the police blotter when they've gone postal on somebody.

Are You Hiring?

I'm sure many of you already know that I reside in Oswego, NY, right on Lake Ontario. In addition to being known for being the home of multiple nuclear energy plants, Oswego is also recognized as a college town. With the close of the month of January a new semester has recently begun. All of the co-eds have returned to the land of OZ. Classes are in full swing now and before you know it, graduation will be taking place in May. But lets not get too far ahead of ourselves.

Much like the onset of the Fall semester, January brings with it a new crop students knocking on the door of Greene's Ale House in search of a job. Starting around a week or so ago, there's been a plethora of kids seeking employment. Some of them have been coming in to fill out applications. Others take a different avenue. One of my biggest pet peeves is when someone calls to ask:

"Are you hiring?"

My response, "No, at the current time we are fully staffed. You are more than welcome to come in and fill out an application if you'd like. We'd be happy to keep it on-hand if we need help in the future."

Translation: Why don't put down the bag of sour cream and onion chips, get off your lazy ass, and inquire in person. Even if we were short staffed I wouldn't tell them over the phone. I know, I should have a more professional attitude, but show some damn initiative people.

And might I add a couple of suggestions when applying for a position at this fine establishment. Bring a pen with you, smile to show a positive attitude, and dress casual. It's not a lawyer's office so you don't need to wear a tie, but take a shower within a week of your "interview" for Christ sakes! You wouldn't believe what some people show up looking like. Torn sweat pants are for the library and sitting on the couch watching the boob tube. They don't make a good 1st impression.

Lastly, it's probably not a good idea to ask for an application and then order a drink with alcohol in it. It just sends the message that you think it's o.k. to drink on the job. Everybody who comes to Greene's on my shifts know I wouldn't be caught dead drinking on the job. I take my job too seriously to risk making a mistake with $$ as a result of being under the influence.

Upon reviewing many applications over the years I must admit I've read some pretty funny shit. You wouldn't believe some of the crap people write down. For starters, when seeking a position, be flexible with regard to your availability. I understand that class schedules can conflict with work schedules. However, don't put down that you need at least one of the weekend nights off so you can go out drinking with your friends. At least lie about it and say you have a mandatory study group on those nights. We're not gonna believe you, but at least you tried to fool us. I shit you not, I've seen such requests on no less than two applications.

Probably my favorite part to read on a job application falls under the category of previous employment. More specifically, the place where a future candidate states why they've left previous positions. On one occasion a young lady had written that she left as a result of sexual harassment, FROM HER LAST 3 JOBS!! Like she had a chance. I don't mean to make light of such accusations, it's no laughing matter. But that's just inviting a law suit.

Quite possibly the funniest thing I've ever heard of being stated on an application:

And I quote "Some pretty fucked up shit went down. I will explain in person."

Seriously, how do you respond to that one. Let's just say that young man got called for a face to face interview. If for nothing else, we just had to find out what happened to him. Much to our displeasure, by the time he was called for an interview he had already found employment elsewhere. What luck.

Possibly the funniest thing I've heard during the interview process took place on one of my days off about 2 and half years ago. I was planted at the bar enjoying a tasty craft beer when a fine looking young lady came in for a 2nd interview. The boss was already with another candidate, so at the bartender's suggestion she and her boyfriend took a seat to wait for her turn. I guess she brought him for moral support. I have to admit I was already sizing her up. I didn't like the fact that she had a boyfriend, but that didn't mean I couldn't hook up with her if she got the position. She had on a tight pair of dungarees and a cute top, which much to my delight was revealing a significant amount of cleavage. It was a tasteful look, and at the same time, not too slutty.

I overheard her as she turned to her beau and asked:

"Honey, do these jeans make my ass look fat?"

"No, your fat ass makes your ass look fat, the jeans are fine."

SLAP!!

It was priceless. Brutally honest, but none the less priceless. Shortly there after, her name was called. As it turned out she didn't get the job, but I don't think it was because of her jeans. I think she forgot to bring a pen.